Questions
by MelanthiaChase
Summary: Everyone wants to know why Kutner did it. No one knows what questions to ask. Warning: Deals with character death Now complete.
1. Taub

Disclaimer: I do not own House, or have any affiliation with it or Fox Broadcasting. This is a personal not for profit work.

**Questions**

**Taub**

Why did he do it?

That was the thought that kept reverberating through his head. Hadn't he told Kutner what suicide, even attempted suicide, did to those that loved you? Didn't he think he was loved?

As Taub stared ahead, seeing nothing, all he could think about was the young man who he had grown to love. He loved him like a brother, a true brother in arms who weathered House's barbs with a smile on his face and a tenacity to rival their boss' own. It had taken him until now to realize it and that made the pain even sharper.

When the grief counselor asked him to write out his feelings, then he could tell the truth. He missed Kutner.


	2. Cuddy

Disclaimer: See first chapter

**Cuddy**

What did she miss?

She had made it her job to understand what her employees did and why they did it. She even had as much understanding of House as anyone could. How could she miss the pain that this young man was dealing with every day?

She cradled Rachel in her arms, needing the love and comfort that her daughter provided and she thought of Kutner. He had just babysat a week and a half ago. He was blowing raspberries on Rachel's stomach and the little girl laughed with such joy that Cuddy wanted him around forever to make her daughter laugh like that. It was at that moment that she realized she actually liked the goofy doctor who strove to make everyone around him as happy as he was. Now she realized that it was a defense mechanism, if he made everyone around him happy they wouldn't notice he was miserable. It was unlike House who strove to make everyone as miserable as he was.

When she wrote her note she wanted it to matter as much as he did to Rachel and to her. They truly were going to miss him.


	3. Thirteen

Disclaimer: See first chapter

**Thirteen**

Why him?

She lay back in her bed, unable to sleep for the second night in a row. Even with Foreman at her side for the first night in a long time she couldn't even close her eyes. She knew she was going to die, soon, and it scared her senseless. She had no comprehension as to why someone with so much to live for, who was so universally _liked _could choose death.

She had teased him mercilessly and cared for him like the friend you know you can always rely on. She knew she could count on him when he discovered she had Huntington's. That night he went over to her place and they watched bad kung fu movies from the 70's, a guilty pleasure that she had, and they ate copious amounts of bad junk food. It was the most fun she had had since she became a duckling. For a while it made her forget and she would be forever grateful to him for understanding just what she needed. Now he wouldn't be around to visit her in the hospital when everything got too much, or provide bad movies and bad junk food when she was in a bad mood. He just wouldn't be around and it hurt.

When she wrote her note she sifted through her memories, trying to do justice to this man she cared so dearly for. Nothing could do him justice, he was Kutner. She realized at that moment just how much she would miss him and the tears started with no threat of stopping.


	4. Foreman

Disclaimer: See first chapter

**Foreman**

Why didn't he get there sooner?

Foreman ran a hand over his face trying to wipe the fog away. He stayed home from work, unable to look at the empty chairs or even Kutner's locker. He knew that Remy needed him but he needed himself. He liked Kutner, he wouldn't have told anyone but he did. The other man would do anything for a patient and was always willing to listen to his colleagues. He was often, as Chase described him, House Jr. except that he seemed happy. That happiness was actually infectious and Foreman felt happier in the young man's presence. Now Foreman realized that the happiness was a lie, it hid a deep darkness underneath. It was a darkness that Foreman understood and it terrified him.

When he wrote his note all he could think about was the fact that he had failed. He had failed as a friend, a doctor and failed himself. If he had gotten there earlier he might have been able to help, to stop this man from taking his life. It would haunt for a long time. For now he concentrated on the fact that he missed Kutner. He could deal with that.


	5. Wilson

Disclaimer: See first chapter

**Wilson**

What could he have done?

Wilson liked Kutner and he made no secret of it. He liked talking to the young doctor and the one hockey game that they went to together had been fun. He was also touched by the trust that the younger man had in him. Kutner was not shy, that much was obvious but he was very protective and secretive when it came to his writing. He wrote short stories and poetry and shared them only with people that he trusted the most. Wilson was one of the few that he shared with and this touched him. He read the stories and gave constructive criticism but he was struck by how mature and accomplished Kutner's writing was. The young man knew how to tell a good story and it didn't evolve into sophomoric humor like Wilson had expected. He wished he had told Kutner just how good the stories were.

When he wrote his note he decided to let Kutner know that he liked his stories. It was the least he could do. Kutner's death had hit him. He was reminded of the pain of Amber's death and he felt the old wound reopening. Now he had someone else to mourn and he was going to do it right this time. He was going to celebrate the life of the young man he already missed, but first he had to make sure that House didn't have a break down.


	6. Chase

Disclaimer: See first chapter

**Chase**

Why was it hurting so much?

Chase didn't know Kutner well at all. He had written him off as House Jr. an ass willing to do anything to solve the mystery. What he did know about him was that he was a relatively nice guy who told obnoxious jokes and worshipped House. What he didn't know was why this guy who had never hurt another person in his life decided to hurt himself. He also didn't know why this was hurting him so much. When he had told Taub that he wasn't Kutner's friend he was honest. What he didn't realize was that he had wanted to be.

When he wrote his note he was honest, he didn't know him well and he was sure others didn't know him as well as they thought. What he didn't write was that he wished he had known him and given him a chance. Now he missed his chance.


	7. Cameron

Disclaimer: See chapter one

**Cameron**

What could she do?

She had made it her duty to look after everyone, which was why the ER was a perfect fit for her. Kutner's death was many things to her; above all, it was a chance to ensure everyone was doing ok and keep an eye on them. This caring also allowed her to ignore her own feelings and pain. It didn't matter that Kutner was the one who died, it could have been anyone and it still would have torn her up. She never made the mistake of feeling immortal, like many doctors did. She had been around too much death and loss to think that but she did on occasion put it in the back of her mind. Kutner's death brought her own mortality into sharp focus and it spurred her into action. She had never worked harder than she had in the days following Kutner's death and she was grateful to the hospital that provided a constant stream of patients and cases to fill her time.

When she wrote her letter she decided that she would do what she always did. She decided to tell him what she thought he wanted to hear. She had had her suspicions that he was House's favorite. In fact she and Chase had often discussed the fact that he was "House Jr." Kutner had tried so hard to be House's protégé; he didn't know that he already was. She had so much to say but settled on that. After she wrote the note she decided to write another, this one from everyone whose lives had been touched by Kutner it had three little words: We'll miss you. That was the note that she placed on his grave after the service, it was the one that _she _wanted him to see.


	8. House

Disclaimer: See chapter one

**Author's Note: ** This is it, the last chapter. I want to thank all of the readers for your support. This is my longest story and most successful. Thank you and I look forward to publishing more in the future.

**House**

How did I not know?

The question that haunted House since he had learned of Kutner's suicide had begun to take over his life. He had made everyone else's life his business, he thought that he knew what made each of them tick. He could manipulate them any way he wanted. He had proven that time and again. How could Kutner be miserable without him knowing?

He was asked to write a note and he refused. Kutner didn't want to talk when he was alive and House wasn't going to promote an empty gesture. If he wanted to talk, there was nothing to talk about, he could go to Wilson. He wouldn't, but the option was there. He camped out in Kutner's apartment, trying to figure out the puzzle he had been left with. He looked through pictures, papers, everything he could find and finally he found the piece that fit. It was a picture of Kutner, taken without his knowledge. In it was a man, overcome with sadness and despair, a man that no one really knew. With the picture one piece of the puzzle had fallen into place. House wasn't content though, he still had so many questions. He also had a nagging feeling that he missed Kutner, but that couldn't be. If he missed him then maybe he _liked_ Kutner and that just wasn't possible. He stared at the picture and sighed, maybe it was possible.


End file.
